Have you ever been left wondering why the narcissist chose you? Do you sometimes feel unlucky to have become involved with such a character? Did the narcissist seemingly target you, bypassing many other people?
The answer to this post question is complex and multi-faceted, but crucial to understanding and overcoming narcissistic abuse.
You Made the Narcissist Look Good
The first point is perhaps the most obvious answer to why the narcissist chose you; however, narcissists take this idea to a whole new level. Whereas the average neurotypical person is often physically attracted to someone before developing a deeper emotional connection, the narcissist sees beauty in another as a tool that they can use for themselves.
If the narcissist’s partner is stereotypically good looking, the narcissist will lap up the increased attention, but use it to reinforce his or her false self. In the mind of the narcissist, everything and everyone flow to and from themselves.
Partners who have a certain social standing, wealth or achieved accomplishments will also be perceived to make the narcissist look good. In a nutshell, you have something that the narcissist wants to use for his or her own façade management, which is why the narcissist chose you.
You Have High Empathy
People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally disabled. Inside every narcissist lies an insatiable void. Narcissists go through life in survival mode, attempting to fill this hollowness at all costs.
When the narcissist encounters a person with high empathy, they spot an emotional being useful for their gain. Individuals with high empathy are typically emotionally strong, which is ideal for the narcissist, who relishes in absorbing this infinite energy source for him or herself. High empathy people will tend to give the narcissist chance after chance. They can understand that the narcissist’s behaviour is coming from a wounded place, which causes them to feel considerable compassion for the person with narcissistic personality disorder.
You Have Poor Boundaries
Whilst it’s sometimes difficult to accept, that is one reason why the narcissist chose you. Do you tend to feel responsible for the emotions and actions of others? Do you continue to carry this burden, even after becoming abundantly clear that the other person will never take ownership of their personal wellbeing?
Perhaps you are drawn to others who you perceive to require fixing; you focus on loving this person, at the detriment of your own welfare.
You find it challenging to say no to others, even when you know deep down that you should. Somehow, you seem to be undertaking endless favours for others, which are mostly not returned.
If you recognise these behaviours in yourself, chances are you lack personal boundaries, which makes you a perfect target for the narcissist.
You Mirrored the False Self
Narcissists can usually tell within the first instance of meeting another person, whether or not they have bought into the false self. The narcissist will be able to tell if he or she charms you.
Why the narcissist chose you becomes obvious if you adored the narcissist and showered him or her in compliments from the very beginning. Praise is like oxygen for the narcissist, and he or she lives to seek it. Did you initially feel lucky to have met the narcissist? If you placed the narcissist on a pedestal, you effectively told the narcissist that he or she is wonderful; you supplied the narcissist with the ultimate drug.
The Narcissist Saw Him or Herself in You
The final point in answering the question of why the narcissist chose you can be divisive. This post is going to address it, however, no matter how contentious.
An argument exists that one of the reasons why the narcissist chose you is because they saw him or herself within your being. All pathologically narcissistic people are highly sensitive – but only for themselves. Therefore, it’s possible to reason that the narcissist was born a highly sensitive person, in the same way, which an individual with high empathy is. Sadly for the narcissist, this personal quality was not viewed as positive or helpful and was therefore denied and shut out. The narcissist felt too much, which was perceived to be painful and have only negative repercussions.
Unfortunately for the narcissist, this attempt to shut out all emotions has somewhat failed. The narcissist’s high sensitivity still very much exists, but being deprived of the chance to develop into a character strength, is now maladaptive. In the empathetic, highly sensitive person, the narcissist sees what their true self may have once become.
If you liked Why the Narcissist Chose You, check out Why You Don’t Love the Narcissist.